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B-Love VS D-Love

Writer: Murat ErtanMurat Ertan

Updated: Nov 15, 2023


Love, according to Freud, is the basic representation of the Eros, the main driver of human motivation, a sublimated desire for sex, the counterforce of Thanatos, the destruction instinct.


Love, according to Fromm, is not having but being. It is not the joy of possessing the most intelligent, beautiful or docile partner like a capital asset but feeling it, living it and becoming it. Fromm's love is much more divine, and it seems more of a growth love.


In the hierarchy of needs, there will always be the homeostasis behaviour. One category harmonizes the individual with the surroundings, while the other harmonizes the individual with their own and real self.


Deficiency "love", or D-Love, is more of a self-protective mechanism. The individual cares for the attention of other people in order to feel secure or have the feeling of being supported if something they cannot handle occurs. D-Love is more pragmatic, although it disguises itself as a form of intimacy. But, in the end, as with all Deficiency needs, the more it is satisfied, the less it is sought. That means that, that "love" was conditional and for safety rather than the actual love of the individual towards another unique and special human being. It is self-directed.


B-Love, on the other hand, is quite different than D-Love. B-needs are growth-oriented, meaning that the more they are fulfilled, the more the individual seeks them, unlike the deficiency needs. B-love is having a connection with the other person in a way that the sense of self may converge sometimes. But, this is not diminishing oneself and fusing with the other, unlike absurd levels of D-Love. It is more like a waltz, where without the other, the dance cannot be done or doesn't have a meaning. B-love is unconditional in terms of pragmatic needs. It is in and of itself; therefore, it is an art. An art that DALL.E can never replicate.


Freudian (Freud is before Maslow in terms of Date) love is more like a deficiency love. It is the need for sex and social security. It is the animal. Fromm's and Maslow's love is much more than that. It is the Human.


And for some, love is the solution to everything. This is neither deficiency need nor growth need but of something pathological. It is correct that, without love, life is relatively mundane and tasteless, but that doesn't mean love = life. In order to love, your life has to be much more than that. Only then you can say "I love you". Because then, there is "I". If your love is more significant than "I", who can say "I love you!" but "Love love you!!". True love is never inflated with red hearts.


Love promises a way to be a better version of yourself, a more intimate and fulfilled human, but it is not the whole and cannot substitute life. Never forget that. Otherwise, the decay and corruption will take their toll.




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